Sunday, 24 June 2012

Parents - We Love To Hate Them #6

The last week has been pretty shit to say the least.

I was supposed to be going on holiday today and from my stupid lack of judgement, I am stuck at home writing this blog post instead of being by the beach in this lovely weather.
I had planned to get a lift there with one of my friends, who just so happens to drive a massive tank of a car - a Land Rover. Fairly safe if we got into an accident.
I never told my parents about this arrangement - they had assumed we were going to catch the public transport down to Cornwall, I just never corrected them and I didn't intend to because I knew that they would stop me going if I did.
That stupid, awful, guilty feeling hit me and I just had to tell them the truth and what I had predicted to happen did happen - they stopped me from going by giving me a lecture on young drivers.
Yes, statistically, accidents happen more in young drivers, but accidents happen to experienced ones too. I'm not the sort of girl to deliberately put myself in a dangerous position and my friends are not the type to drive dangerously, in fact if I'm honest, we're pretty square compared to the social ideas of what a teenager is.

I wish I had never told them. I am still so angry about their decision to stop me. Next time, I won't make the same mistake and I know they will not and cannot stop me.

My exam revision was pretty messed up afterwards and I just couldn't focus. The exam was for me, pretty awful - I couldn't even concentrate on answering the questions, let alone writing the essay at the end. What's even worse is that most of my classmates thought it was a nice paper... Medicine seems even further away from me now.

I'm still pretty bitter about the last few days. What's even worse is that my mother said something to me that made me so unbelievably mad - "you can't have both things, you have to choose one."
I didn't even have a choice of two things, I had one thing. The holiday, and I didn't even get to choose that.

They've been trying to make it up to me, in a weird round about way.
They let me go and see a film today (Rock of Ages which was pretty crap!) as if it will make up for it.

I've also managed to convince them to let me organise something for my 18th birthday (which is Friday) but I cannot think of anything to do for it - everyone will be so buzzed from the holiday.
I would trade all of it just to be on holiday because that's all I keep thinking about.

Why can't my parents understand that I'm not a kid anymore? They can't protect me from everything - when and if I go to uni, they won't be able to dictate what I do and by God, I will definitely be taking advantage of my new freedom.

Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Got Screwed Over Again and Ranting #5

When I got my exam timetable I must admitted I was pretty pissed, my last exam was so far away. I thought I'd sitting around waiting for the exams to come along
When I got my exam timetable, I must admit I was pretty pissed. This Summer I only have 4 exams (compared to last year's 7), with 2 at the start of the exam period, 1 in the middle and 1 right at the end of it. I thought I'd be sitting around waiting for ages for the exams to be over.
That's partially true; all my friends finish before I do and it still feels like ages before I finish secondary school indefinitely.
However, after today I'm pretty grateful that I still have over a week to prepare for my last exam. I realise that I know nothing about biology.

Anyway, in January I sat the Salter's F334 paper which was possibly the hardest chemistry paper I had ever done. Everyone came out feeling so annoyed and angry at the examiners. Half the specification wasn't even in the exam (there was nothing on proteins or anything throughout the whole paper) and it was literally all the physics-y bit of chemistry that I hate.
The class nerd, who has a habit of being arrogant, said that it was an easy paper, which I wanted to smack him for - he must have sensed that everyone was getting annoyed at him and quickly found that it would be best to shut up.
The exam results come back and it turns out that most of my class (my class are pretty bright) ended up with C, D, E, U grades. Only 4 people in our year (out of 30 odd taking chemistry) got As when normally at least 12 would. Thankfully, I was one of the lucky ones and managed to get a decent/high A. Thank God for low grade boundaries is all I can say...
What was even better is I beat the nerd which he was, visibly surprised about. Heh, it felt so good.

So today, I sat the Salter's Chemistry F335 exam today - what a freaking nightmare.

So I open the test paper and the first question is fine, nice and straight forward. I was thinking that this was going to be a nice paper and I keep thinking that until I turn over to question 2, when the examiner decides to thrown in some crazy questions.
Question 2 was basically a time drain for me. I must have spent at least 20 minutes staring at this stupid molecular formula, racking my brains trying to work out the structure. In the end, I made it up and moved on (turns out I made an intelligent guess since my teacher thinks I got it right).
The exam continues to screw me over and I come out feeling pretty annoyed - for that paper there wasn't much revision wise that would of helped me. OCR should have just told us not to bother revising because our time would be wasted on this exam.
I asked a couple of classmates what they thought and it seemed like a pretty mixed bag - of course the class nerd said that it was pretty easy, but I am not so sure. Maybe history will repeat itself and I'll get a better grade than him.
My teacher said that from thestudentroom's forum on the exam, the general consensus was that the exam was... shit.
Everyone was complaining about having two awful chemistry exams this year and it was as though the examiner who wrote January's paper also wrote June's. Why screw us over AGAIN?!
After I got home from school I logged on to thestudentroom to checked out the forum and this was a BAD mistake. I flung myself back into self-doubt, questioning whether what I wrote in the exam matched the answers of the posters. I am never going to read post-exam forums anymore. What a stupid rookie error.
But at least the majority felt the same way. The grade boundaries will hopefully be low...
I feel kind of bad complaining about this exam because I know that I'll have to fail pretty spectacularly to miss my uni grade for chemistry. That still doesn't stop me feeling bitter about the exam because I would really love an A*, which now seems out of reach. I know a lot of people are depending on this exam and I can only hope that everyone gets what they need to do what they want to do.

I don't mean to come across as arrogant if that's how I am sounding, but I didn't revise for weeks just to flunk this exam.

So the rest of the day I decided to have a lazy day. Normally I'd do nothing on these days, but I don't want to fall back into the vicious circle as mentioned before. I tidied and hoovered my room (crazy right?!) and helped my sister revise (I do owe her one for helping me with my chemistry flash cards ;)!!)

I can't believe I've got sucked into this Euro 2012 business too - I'm rooting for Germany even though I should be supporting England. I don't even like football...

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Asian Food Shopping and Last Minute Cramming #4

Today has been... a productive day. I've spent the last 7 hours doing chemistry papers - I must have done at least 6 papers. So much for being chilled out about the exam - I lied, now I'm worried.

My parents spent the day out going Asian grocery shopping, which I was kind of jealous about. I really love going to the Asian supermarkets because of the weird and wonderful things there that you don't see in your regular Tesco's. Instead of joining them, I thought it'd be best if I kept my head down and practiced for tomorrow's chemistry paper.

When they got home just now, they did bring back some goodies for me and my siblings. I could do with this more often!
definitely the best pick-me-up I've had in a while!
like all my work in the background? ;)
I guess I should do some more last minute cramming - nothing like a bit of nucleophilic substitution to stimulate the brain cells, before catching some 90210 and hitting the hay. It's an early start tomorrow morning, can't believe all my exams are at 9am...

All my posts have been about exams - I swear there's more to my life than exams, it's just that when the exam season comes I just get engulfed in all the study work.

Right, time to plug in my headphones and return to the realms of my textbooks.

Monday, 11 June 2012

Almost there... #3

My exams aren't even over yet and I'm already thinking of the Summer. I just can't wait to finally have a bit more time on my hands.
The holiday is just two days after my last exam and seeing as I have to work the day before, I have to be super efficient with my packing since I normally leave it until the last minute.
Then we get back in time for my 18th birthday - I'm not sure if I should have a get-together at home or just go down the pub with everyone. Most of my friends have had parties, bigging up being 18 and that but I don't really understand the hype of it all; sure, I'll be able to buy alcohol but I've still got the rest of my life to get as hammered as I want (I've heard that med students are particularly bad during freshers' week, the future looks bright!). I guess I'll finally be considered an "adult" even though I might not act or feel like one ;)

The Sixth Form Ball is pretty exciting too, though I cannot believe how expensive it all is. £32 is pretty pricey for a buffet if you ask me, but I guess it's a rite of passage before we all go off to do our own things. It'll be the last time I see a lot of my year group and teachers, which in some cases is a good thing.

I'm also planning to go and drop into the "active living centre for the senior citizens" where I volunteered with my friend for 9 months. It's essentially a day centre for the elderly where we just sat around a table and chatted to them. We ended up making a little journal for the members, documenting all the things we talked about. After we left, I was kind of relieved it was over - don't get me wrong, I loved every minute of it, but I needed to reclaim some of my own time.
Volunteering is such an amazing thing, no matter how big or how small. I feel kind of guilty because the reason I volunteered in the first place was to get some more experience before I applied to uni. I was lacking on the work experience front and considered it as a last resort, but when I joined the group, I realised how stupid I was for not realising the value of volunteering earlier. I'd do it all again in a heart beat.
I guess I should start an education/academics page for any nosey people who happen to read my blog and wonder what I have achieved schooling wise and what I am planning to do at university (grades permitting).

So my next exam is in 2 days and I'm feeling pretty relaxed about it - normally I get really hyped up and stressed but for some unknown reason, I feel kinda confident about this one. It's partly because I have some amazing teachers, but I'm never normally this calm - it's scaring me. I should be like this more often, people like chilled individuals...

Sunday, 10 June 2012

Facebook and Friends #2

Feeling pretty proud of myself right now - I managed to some revision and a few past papers without getting distracted by various social networking sites and the tv.
I logged on to facebook to find myself bombarded with depressing statuses (stati? What is the plural of status?). I won't ever understand why people use facebook as a therapist. Please hire a professional who will listen to your woes because I don't want to.
Instead of keeping up to date with my friends and classmates, I get some self-loathing, emotionally driven comments fill up my feed. The worst case I've ever seen is the sad face status :(
"what's wrong?"
"don't worry..."
What's even the point of that status?!

On a lighter note, I have a new found appreciation for the shuffle button on iTunes - I totally forgot I had some classic songs on there. This shuffle session has reignited my love for Busted. My new guilty pleasure, with some McFly on the side ;)

Is it me or is Train's song Drive By super catchy? I can't stop singing it since I heard it again on the radio the other day. Hopefully I won't overplay it to death like I do with all my other songs (RIP We Are Young). iTunes shouldn't have a replay button :P
Though my latest obsession has got to be Paloma Faith's Picking Up The Pieces. Normally Paloma's music is a bit too wacky for me but it's actually alright after a few listens (reminds me of Gotye in that sense, I happened to hate Somebody That I Used To Know until I listened to it like, 10 times?)

Anyway, Desperate Housewives finale tonight - since I live in the UK, it's only just about to air. The promos look so good!? My Sunday nights are going to be boring after that, which might encourage me to actually do some more work out of boredom - it might actually do me some good?!

I just want these exams to be over so I can go on holiday with my friends - nowhere far, just down to Cornwall since none of us can afford flights abroad with the uni fast approaching. Hopefully the weather will be nice (awww who am I kidding, this is England?!) and I hope I don't fall out with anyone - I have a funny feeling that one or two people might annoy me...
Still, only 2 more exams to go, this time in 2 weeks time I'll be on holiday! It just can't come fast enough.

My first post #1

So today I finally decided to start a blog.
Not a blog that everyone can relate to and I can't guarantee that I'll  make you laugh since it's really more like a personal diary so I can remember things when I look back and to help me keep up with my life because I swear it's all going so fast.
It's currently exam season so it's probably not my wisest idea to start a blog now; I'm already distracted by the likes of facebook and twitter when I should, according to my parents and teachers, spend every waking second with my head down in a textbook. Unfortunately, I'm not quite the model student they all want me to be - I say that whilst I am writing this blogpost, making breakfast and doing an exam paper. I'm so good at multitasking ;)

I'm pretty sure it's normal for most students during exams to do this - there just aren't enough hours in the day to do all the things I want to do. I want to watch tv, I want to slob out for a few hours but I get this guilty feeling that tells me I should need to do some school work. So my sleep gets compromised and I wake up feeling tired, so I sleep in and then I get that guilt feeling for not spending my time wisely. It's a vicious circle - guilty, work, lack of sleep, guilty, work, lack of sleep.
Though I am super grateful for finishing school - I left a few weeks ago, so no more timetabled lessons of sixth form EVER.
That's kind of scary actually. I just hope all goes well in these exams so I can finally start working towards where I want to be and what I want to do.